HUMOR: Black Friday's. Always Interesting

Shopping Tips for Black Friday (this is siwious)

Shopping on Black Friday can save you a lot of money on some big ticket items, but keep these tips in mind to improve your shopping experience:

• Secure you spot: Make sure you arrive 3 days in advance to guarantee a complete experience and prime real estate....Location, location, location..You deserve this, you need this high def TV and nobody can get in your way, yes kids in Africa are starving and thirsty...but this is the good old USA,  so take the sick days off and get going! When you arrive scout the area for maximum coverage in case of weather and natural necessities knock on the door. Make sure you mark your spot. We recommend  sidewalk chalk to secure your stay, start by drawing a square big enough  for you, a tent, a and your pet. Write your name in the middle of the square and post a pic if possible.After the camp is set, start the countdown timer immediately, so you know exactly when to prepare for your march of triumph.

•  Have enough supplies/equipment: Oh boy where do I start? Flashlight, propane, mesquit, water, cooler, hot dogs, helmet, gummy bears, baseball bat, Scooby Doo snausages for Spike and other snacks are a must to state a few. What happens when duty calls? You must stand  your ground at all costs and not surrender to a warm intruder  that at the last minute, may get in front of you because your were away dropping the kids off at the pool. Instead we recommend keeping a bucket and an empty bottle handy. Use the bucket for number two's (sand highly recommended), and the bottle for number one's. A cap is crucial to avoid spills (its not a good idea to stink up the place,,, but hey .. if it will spook the competition then have at it). The aim must be precise, so take a deep breath and keep it steady. The bushes may be an alternative as long as you have your spot in sight, plus the dirt could use an extra fertilizer for next spring.  Leafs are plentiful in bushes and can be used as an alternative  to the good old Charmin TP.

•  Remember what you are here for! Don't start chit chatting and socializing in line.... bla bla bla. Don't share you food and your resources, this is war and to win you must be in perfect conditions. Do not feed the opponents children and do not be hypnotized by the little cute kitty eyes....You need all the energy and motivation you can get. When the door opens little kitty will turn in to a lion and leave you trampled. Instead keep focused.. if the rain or snow erases your chalk square, make another one... You can do this...and it has been done before.. trust yourself and you will be surprised of what you are capable of.. Use motivational songs like" Eye of the Tiger " or that annoying Friday song that goes something like:                                                                                                           "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
  Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
  We-we-we so excited
  We so excited......Its Friday Friday"

•      4. On your mark set go! Now is the time to bring out the big guns, to separate the boys for the men, the women from the granny's. Its go time. Wondering about the helmet and the bat? When the 10 second count down begins... grab the helmet and the bat (bat can be used to reach for items, bat your opponent  and if you get trampled it may be used as a cane) Now is the time to turn into "The Bus" and trample old ladies and soccer moms like its nobody's bidness. At the end of the day you will feel complete......Jobless but complete.

Conclusion: Days off $300, Supplies and Equipment $200, getting half off on a $150 dollar tent for next years Black Friday.......PRICELESS!

Am I missing anything? Post and I will update..